It just aint my day, or rather accumulated till today, i am feeling a lil sucky this evening. First of all, let me recall, since last monday till this week, i wonder how many machine died or fell sick right under my nose.

Let's see:
a) my G4 at work..the closest to me (Last Mon)
b) had to settle with my half hearted G5, which will leave me hanging most of the time
c) then Roland (the plotter) died as well (Last Thurs)
d) wanted to depend on my 235 to print some A4s, died as well. Had nvr been tip top 
    condition lately..so once again was admitted to hospital

So that was all from last week till this evening. Called in Dr. David to come check on my G4. He promised that a change of heart (power supply) everything will be ok. Only that the organ donor comes from US, so gotta wait for a week; which is suppose to be to day, or rather was suppose to be today, before night fall. But i guess slim chance la. Neway, still i can work on watever i can find. Can still survive. Then i found out i need to redo some slides for the trainin tmr. (will be facilitating some trainin for the Blue Box), so needed ppt.

Turned to my G5, realised that no ppt installed. Nvm..gotta turned to some public PC outside. So sat my butt down whole day doin that...tryin to get it rite. Get the flow rite...but only half done. Planned to bring home to continue. Then WHAM!!!!

The demo ppt office 2004 decided to be expired. Nvm..can still work with my Think Office. But no!!! Word can work. So did Excel. But PPT?!?!??!?!?! NO. Some error occured. I uninstalled and reinstalled still same prob. Decided to update..n for the passin hours it's still happily strolling down the internet to update itself with it's fellow mates...watever that is la!!! I DUN CARE!!!!!

Then thot maybe i can turned to my faithful Power book, cus i installed it before. And lo and behold. PPT finally worked....and...and...n..n..."YEA RITE"!!!! Lagged like nobody business!!! COMMON!!! COMMON!!! Why la??!?!?!??!?!

URGH!!!!! and wat made it worse????!?!?!

Why la?! I know you're bored. But it's not like i dun wanna spend time with you. But i reali had work to do. Not that im playin and chilling outside...i had work. And not that im super workaholic..but it's my responsibility. Is it that hard to understand?? I thank you for offering wat you had to offer...n u know my answer...that's good. Goes to show that you know me...but why phrase it taht way? ...just...why la...?

I am not perfect. It's true...not that i wan you to be perfect too. I just wan and need u to understand..n learn from around it. Maybe, or unless u dun see a need. Then maybe it's just my wishful thinking..*shrugs*...but...but...*bite lip*

Sometimes, i am a lil tired. I could use a lil bit of some warmth and to be pampered a lil. I dunno la..

I miss my dad. I miss hugging him. I miss my mom. Called her today just to chat a lil. Hah hah..*chuckled*..she doesn't evn know wat i majored in. Am i suppose to laugh? I dunno la. Her answer to all her friends is that she doesn't know la...*wow*..

...*that far huh?*..

I will most likely wake up like 4.45am tmr i think, gosh! I dun evn know it that is possible..but i hope i can la. need to get into Blue Box early to cont my ppt. Sigh...

Enuf said la..not like it's gonna change anything.

I can't live without you.
                          -Love, Pax

Darn wat the hell you want from me?! For goodness sake how old are you?!?!?!? Can't you just spealk your mind? If ur upset or anything. let me know la! Darnit!!! U think who i am? God? No
!!!!! That's why God gave us a mouth and a mind to think and communicate. It's true talkin too much, too much communication can cause miss-comm....but hello!!!! ?!?!?!?!?!? Say something that make sense ok?

URGH!!!!!

Time is ticking as we speak ok? And i hav an agenda, so make up ur blardy mind. Yes you want to move ur butt and go, or that ur head is too heavy u dun wanna go? U think i 24hr nothing better to do entertainer that will entertain u all the time? Evn u cant do that!!

Do i speak like that to you?!?!? What have i done to deserve things like that?!??!! URGH!!!!

GROW UP!!!

Don't talk like that to me Pax!!!!
                                     -Komplement

Ps: If you want me get out of your life, tell me! IF not watever your doin is driving me ther!!! Wake up!!!

It's late actually. Woke up this morning n told myself that i shud get some good rest tonite, n i had a chance to sleep early..say like wat? just b4 midnite,...and then...

I can't sleep. Laid on the bed and my eyes were just widely opened. Maybe something really was bothering me..or was it something else? *shrug* Don't reali know.

I stared in the dark sky for a lil while longer than usual..my mind blank. What was i thinking? Wat was i feeling? Wat was it exactly that was in my hand that i felt that i was loosing grip? Or that i was holding too tight? My purpose, my existence? Did i go bac to wher i had been? Did i lost part of me? Or that some truth of me was making a greater significance?

....it's time for another of some self-reflection. U know, like some medical check-up u do from time to time when u pass a certain age. Heh..something like that. When was the last check-up i had? Hmmm....months ago i suppose. So let's see..wat is it this time?

Missing something, missing someone, missing some people.

and?

Like this piece of puzzle that is still tryin to find the right edge to fit the groove of another.

....

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

....

Think i will jsut need to go sleep now...it's 2am...need to wake up early sumor...ah well.

God, i still need You very much..to do the things that i wanna do for You. I know i am not perfect, n because
of that, all the more i need You. Consume me from the inside out, let justice justice and praise, become my
embrace to love you from the inside out.

I am a lil disturbed by a phone call that was not meant for me, just a couple of hours ago, and I just needed an area to let out. So i guess, i came bac here to write, to complain? To organise my thoughts, to put myself look righteous? ...I dunno..does it matter how I write it? How should i approach this current matter that is bugging me?

Tonite, was one nite whereby I was quite dumb-founded; u know those kind of things u hear and they left ur jaw hangin, or ur heart sinkin, or simply speechless and all u cud do is to take a deep breath, shake ur head from left to right and then sigh again. Well, tonite was just another nite just like that. In short, i was just a lil bit more disappointed than i thot i was hours ago.

For months, i had been listenin to this friend of mine talkin bout things she went thru and all. And one thing for sure that i'v heard from her was that "I hated the most when one had to lie to the one, one loved most." Hearing that from her for so many times, i cudn help but to build a collage of her that she must hav value truth very highly. And that is a very good value i must say. And then it has to happen; tonite...for something so light, something so simple, she lied from the begining. I dinno how or wat to react.

I am not saying that i have not lied before..just that, *sigh*...now it bugs me a lil. I just can't believe she did dat..that's all. And like i just mentioned, no one is perfect, and that somehow in a day u will tend to lie at least once; but the problem with me now is that, if she has not mentioned all those crappy things she has to take then; for example like, simple things-just dun lie. And then tonite...*sigh*..it's just quite a let down la.

I know i am not perfect...but i needed a place to write...

What darker u asked? The clouds. ...??!! So that they will bring the rain and after that, the warm sunshine will once again shine on your face.

For a long time, weeks, the atmosphere within these four walls were just so, so tight, so so tensed. So tensed that you could almost feel it within your bones. As though they were goin to break if you squeeze it a little bit more. You heard your friends talk about it, discussed, loathed, complained and just so fed-up about the whole situation. Then you picked up other opinions, other perceptions and in the end, you just didn't know how to feel or where to stand anymore.

Some will just tell you to stay away, to not bother, to not get yourself involved..of which i am tryin to do; but still, i couldn't help it that it ate a little of my peace away each time I listened to all these. I mean, each time...ok, correction, not each time, but most of the time when we gather round and talked, the amount of negativities could be really overwhelming. Just like today..*sigHHhh*..

Right after lunch,..my mood went down like a ball rolling so quickly and CERTANLY that it was gonna gain such momentum that you probably will not be able to catch it back running after it. Even I couldn't catch up with my mood changed till someone asked me how come i was so moody and right after lunch. How enjoyable was lunch?! And to top it off, i didn't eat. Tummy din feel alrite, so skipped lunch. *sighs again*

And then my mood after,...*scoffs*..well...im pretty much still like that. Just dunno why...actually i shouldn't be like this. Cause the first thing, it didn't evn have anything to do with me. And that was another problem..not my problem and i was getting it like so much...n my own stuff?!?!..*roll eyes*...feel like smacking my own head. STOP!!!!! *big sighhhHHhhh*...

*take a deep breath*...

...life still goes on...come on, bring in the clouds. The darker the better!! ( as how my fren put it..)

. : Design Studio : .

Oh..the office is quiet as everybody is just out ther still chatting over finished lunches, while some taking their ciggarrette break, some taking a stroll down the Curve and bac. Oh..it's a lazy day yea..a lazy day. Why? Cus it's Friday!!! Well...somehow im not as excited as them..well at least maybe just half la.

Been out from the studio since 0845HR-1310HR. Almost 4 and a half hours gone!!! I know u guys will most likely ask me to chill whey...no big deal wat? In fact, aint that better no need to work indoor. But no...let me tell u wat i did the entire morning. I was at the Merchandise Pick-up Area, down on my knees...for that 4 plus hours!!! Doin wat?! Peeling vinyl off floor and replacing new ones!!!!! From squating down to kneeling, then from kneeling down to just sitting down like how my fren in UK wud sit. Then after awhile..u dun pick urself up and walk anymore..u just crawl from one end of the room to the other end.

Oh my loverly fingers. They are all inflamed..well..almost all tho. My thumbs and inder fingers are rather sored...they are still in pain actually as i typed this. And if u can see me...let me describe the look of my face, "M I S E R A B L E"!! Yes...it looks reali miserable. Oh my lovely fingers...*ouch*..!!!

Ah well, let's talk bout something more upbeat. It's Friday...i refuse to be bogged down by the pain in my fingers. So hmm...oh yea, was checking out some cool phones that i've been so tempted to lay my fingers on them...THER WE GO AGAIN!! I just can't leave my "Fingers" alone, can I?!?!?! Stupid girl!! But yea...i came across 2 phones that i tot they look superbly gorgeous!! Wait..actualyl 3. So i think i will just leave u guys some links so u can go check it out and gimme some feedbacks. All three are from Sonyericsson.

W850i : http://www.sonyericsson.com/spg.jsp?cc=my&lc=en&ver=4000&template=pp1_1_1&zone=pp&lm=pp1&pid=10447

M600i : http://www.sonyericsson.com/spg.jsp?cc=my&lc=en&ver=4000&template=pp1_loader&php=PHP1_10385&zone=pp&lm=pp1&pid=10385

W710i : http://www.sonyericsson.com/spg.jsp?cc=my&lc=en&ver=4000&template=pp1_loader&php=php1_10463&zone=pp&lm=pp1&pid=10463

I saw M600i first..and i tot it was just gorgeous, then today i realised that WHOOO!!! Wat cool "Coming Soon" models they've got!!! W850i is absolutely breath taking..go take a look and u will know wat i mean. And W710i is such a sporty babe!!! Oh oh..can't wait to see how the real one looks and feel!!

Anyway, eyes are tired..will need to go off soon. Lunch time is almost over..infact it's over la..but i just need to divert my attn that's all. Since no one's in the office...just taking the opportunity to write down some stuffs la.

*look right then left..breathes gently*..well, some stuffs la..

"and if u can't move on i can't do anything. Sheesh.." The phrase echoes in her head.

She realised that she was wrong. She tried to make it up. She wanted to improve. She need his forgiveness. She needed an assurance that they are still friends. She needed to hear "it's alrite..i'm ok now."...

It's not easy to admit that ur wrong. It's not easy to humble urself. Stil harder to make urself say that u wanna make a difference and then reali keep track of urself to make an effort to change. But she does reali wan to make a difference...but like all human beings, she falls again and again.

Walkin along the subways..it was as tho time was passing by so slowly. Every step she took was so directionless. She walked..not knowing wher she was goin. She saw some familiar faces..but turned and looked away, feeling ashamed of herself. Not wanting anyone to know how ugly she was. She continued walking. Holdin back all that she was taking. Just minutes ago..all those words...the eyes, the gestures..the tone of his voice..;they're playing all over again in her head. She closes her eyes...a huge lump stuck between her throat..she swallowed hard. Tears welling up her eyes...she hold it even more, liftin her chin a lil higher so her tears wouldn't flow out. She took in a gulp of air and just hold them all in.

Someone once said, "If u can't do it...fake it till u can!" If pretense could be made real, she would pretend all her life that everything will always be ok. But in reality...it will never happen. Or at least not to her. 

Those words hit her again, and it cuts her heart. But maybe she deserves it for being the first to hurt someone....maybe it's pay back time,..maybe it's time to have a taste of her own medicine?!?!! It could be possible..it could.

Is ther a way to neutralise all these pain? All these disappointments?
All these hurts?  I wish there is such potion..such antidote..

Ironic

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic, don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought, it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damned life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice"
And isn't it ironic...don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought, it figures

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
('And then meeting his beautiful husband' on the acoustic Album version)

And isn't it ironic, don't you think
A little too ironic, and yeah I really do think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
And who would've thought, it figures

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

It's raining out ther...i am reali taking a break literally..physically..and since i hvn been bloggin at all..i tot i wud just take this opportunity to run away from work n everything else to write a bit. Haven got much time..15mins max. Ouch...*rubs legs*..my calves and thighs are just tired. Stood so much today, especially morning. Spent like hours just sticking up vinyls after vinyls in the restaurant. And boy, does time flew so fast. Had fried mee hoon for bfast, so wasn that hungry during lunch. Ordered an apple pie, a medium fries and a medium coke after a phone call with a fren. Was just complaining...too much stickers...and each time i found myself making the slightest mistakes...i don't know if anyone will share this with me, but a part of me just died. Seeing the mistakes now on the walls...urgh..i dun evn wanna walk ther...it just hurts. Watever la...i think im goin insane!! I need a hug from my prawny fren...and just dun wanna think of anything else. Today is jsut a lot of hands on work. Morning vinyls like i said, now it's just cutting streamers.!! They are huge!! well..not exactly GIANT in size la...50cm by 240cm..and when u need to cut like 36 pieces of them..it just blew up so suddenly...and i...gosh, a dwarf!!! ..*rubs legs again*...im still tired, and my face...like papaya..or err..horse..or simply, just long la. I dun wanna cut them anymore. Oh yea..not to mention, was peeling off vinyls..and think i scraped both my forth fingers...they are all plastered. Got the Cool Mama in my dept to plastered 'em up. Ahhh...seeing her is like seeing some comfy, warm soft walking around. I lurve huggin her..brings me a lot of comfort in times of stress... *looks at right corner of screen..then sigh..* Times up la...gotta go..so hungry now...*sniff sniff*...watevr la...back to wrk...cut more stuff..my fingers..oh my lovely fingers...well..not reali la...but still, for a person like me, me fingers are like precious stones.. Peace out.

Neway, some pics from the wedding. Enjoy!!

the smart posers
from left back: cheah, seken, dan, brian, karl, braine, chewyz
from left front: olie, ben, zac, joel 


the beauty queens + a man
from left back: the man (emmy's dad, uncle lawrence), tab, mabel, hmm i believe she is err..salby,
from left front: sarah tan, julie, aileen, serene, christine, azy, emmy, yi qing, sarah tay, julia


aileen, you're just...sigh..why did i do this with u?

  
matchin eh? *winkez* hehehhe


aiyo, ah ben ar...lei hou yau yeng ar!!!
*voted the best lookin groomsmen*


my dear, dear director..chris!! I love you!!


Gosh, I look so tired..off color from dan and sarah..*slaps forehead*


joel wong, joel wong, you are very lame,
when you joke or when you talk they always sound the same..


this is the stupid kev i mentioned earlier


this is the princess btw, princezz michelle


psst...psst..ben is leaving soon...u can make ur advances now


my dear junior, siew pao


this will be my dearest of dears..Prawny I love you!!


PS..i tried censoring it..but the img looked reali funny, even tab thought so..


zeebedeee doo dah..zeebedeee day..my oh my what a wonderful day..